It's Been a Long TIme

Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.
Thomas A. Edison

So today I am at a weight of 212lbs and its been several years since I've been on here...Sad that really nothing has changed, only my weight has increased and my health has declined. I have watched myself go down this path over and over and over and over again only to come out worse than before. Will this be the breaking point? Will I quit eating? Will I quit smoking? Or is the question really can I quit? I hate myself everyday.... today will be the last day I hate myself anymore...Tomorrow I will love myself and take care of myself from then on...I don't want to look back again 3 or 4 years down the road and see myself on this same path. I want to see a change for the better. I am not a chocoholic...I am an addict of overindulgence in every sense I can be. so maybe this addictive personality will become addicted to things that are actually good for me...wouldn't that be a miracle!!!!!!!! So goodbye Fat Amber, goodbye Unhealthy Amber, goodbye Asthma Amber....Fit Amber, Healthy Amber, and NO Asthma Amber will see ya on the other side!!!!!!!!!

A Fresh Start

"... without darkness, nothing comes to birth.
As without light, nothing flowers." -May Sarton






Well today im starting fresh. I have been putting it off long enough. Two surgeries have passed along with starting on birth control and several rounds of steroids, and of course totally letting go of any kind of diet. This has made me gain a tremendous amount of weight in the last 6 months and i have finally had enough. i have let myself go and i am more unhappy with myself than i have ever been in my life. I have become sedentary, depressed, and just overall unhappy and i dont want to continue this way anymore. i know i can do anything i set my mind to and i alone can control this. i am determined to make the changes in my life that will last a lifetime and i start today!! No more excuses, no more laying in the bed, no more giving up and giving in to temptation and complacency. Its time to change!!! I did this to me and i can change it!! I will do it for myself alone and regain my life, to enjoy what i used to and feel like my normal self again. i want to live the life i envision and today starts my journey. Starting weight is 196. Goal wieght is 140. i have 56 pounds to lose. LETS GO!!!!

Shake It Like a Polaroid Picture...

Well yesterday's workout with Pete was awesome!! We worked my back, chest, arms, and legs till i felt like i was going to puke which was about 45 mins. My first workout and i think i did pretty good for a first-timer. I know my arms are sore now so maybe tomorrow we will do more legs, abs, and booty lol to give my poor arms a break. But i have to say its not as bad as i thought it would be. Now dont get me wrong i was sweating and nauseated and couldn't pick up my purse afterwards but it felt good to work those muscles and to at least see where im at. We did 10-12 rep starting out and increased weights till i maxed out at 6-8 reps per exercise. And there was this girl at the gym doing walking lunges with the barbell on her shoulders and i was like man i want to do that too. So guess my butt will be sore tomorrow cause thats what im doing lol. And i did my first cardio today!!! I did a 2 mile walk in 30 mins which aint bad for my first day back at it in awhile. Funny though i can walk faster and harder outside than i can on a treadmill in the gym. Put me on a treadmill and im done in 10 mins, i just cant do it. But if i have something out in the distance to push myself towards im haulin ass. Kinda weird but whatever works im all for it. Plus i sweat more outside so maybe im flushing some fat out of my system and the fresh air helps my asthma. Didnt need my inhaler at all. And it helped having my MP3 player to listen to. It made my workout go faster and i actually walked faster too!!!So now my goal is to start getting up and doing 2 miles before work, going to the gym 3-4 days a week and doing 2 miles every night when its cooler outside. This heat kills me and i can breathe better if its not too hot, so usually around 8-830pm im good to go outdoors for my cardio. And since its cooler in the AM that will help too. So still trying to eat plenty of protein and i had my first whey protein shake yesterday. It was ok, kinda reminded me of a chocolate slimfast shake. think it needs some crushed ice to make thicker, a little runny for my taste but i drank it anyways. So now that im actually able to exercise more since my surgery im looking forward to seeing the changes my body will go through. Still holding at the 9 lb mark for total lost, but i know my body is adjusting and soon it will start falling off fast. I am a little competetive at times and my boss at work has been working out with her trainer for a few months so far. She has lost some but her diet isnt that great. She wont limit herself as much, and she still eats sweets and sugar. So now that Pete's helping me, out of pure kindness not monetary gains, i'm hoping my efforts will show results faster than hers lol. I know that sounds kinda mean but im all for a little friendly competition and i hope she reaches her goals as well, just not as fast lol. Well enough talking for tonight, if im going to get up in the morning i need to hit the hay!!! Oh and P.S. Hey Ya!! by Outkast made me move my booty the fastest so far!!! Love that song lol!!!

In Heaven Chocolate has no Calories and is Served as the Main Course

"In the beginning, the Lord created chocolate, and he saw that it was good. Then he seperated the light from the dark, and it was better!" - Anonymous



So today i had my cheat day and probably overdid it alittle but figured i would work it out tomorrow morning at the gym. I couldnt resist the yummy yummy icecream bars in the freezer staring back at me when i opened the door to peer inside. I had 4 oops, but feel better now that they are almost gone so no more temptation for me. It's back to hitting it hard at the gym in the am with my new mp3 player full of music and raring to go. And i confirmed my 6:30pm Monday workout with Pete is still on so ready to start getting my sweat on soon. Eventually i would like to be able to get my cardio done in the mornings before work but its soo hard to get out of the bed. Im not a morning person at all and i love the quietness at night after everyone has went to bed. Its relaxing to me and every girl needs her Me Time. Guess you cant always resist the temptation for sweets but i'm learning as i go that as long as you dont stop heading towards your goals you will still get there even with a few minor setbacks. I just have to keep that in mind everytime i look in the mirror and dont like what i see staring back at me. My 1st week back to work was good and i feel like i have more energy when im there. and i'm hoping that energy will last long enough to get through my workouts with Pete afterwork. Just seems like when i get home i just wanna put on my PJ's and relax so i have to get out of that habit. And i need to get back to working in my flower gardens and finishing the ones in the backyard. Always so much to do, so little time but i will make time for it. I'm so looking forward to the day when it just all fits together and i can look back at today and see what i worked so hard for. Thats the reward in writing it all down, you can see your trial and errors and move on. So enough confessing for yet another day, guess its time to get in bed and get my beauty rest. The gym will be here before i know it lol!!

My Inspiration

"Whether you think you can or think you can't--you're right." -Henry Ford




Well someone asked me today what kind of diet I'm on and i told her it is the eat "clean" diet. Actually it is a "clean" lifestyle because you have to change your lifestyle and not just diet. It includes exercises of weight training and cardio. This "clean" diet is what fitness models and figure competitors use daily to maintain their sexy bodies. I started this change because i was inspired by a photo of Jamie Eason and loved the way she looked. I checked her background and saw that she started by doing figure competitions. Now i know i will never be a fitness model and i will never look like her but i will have an awesome body and i'm not to bad looking either if i say so myself, and i will be the best me i can!! Along with other figure competitors in this region i have studied their lifestyles and have been inspired to make changes in my body and lifestyle. Its not about doing this to win a trophy or to be in a magazine, but to make me feel great about myself. My goal is to compete in a figure competition, not to win but to show off my hard work and determination. Where it leads after that point i dont know but i know i will keep up this new lifestyle and workout plan because it makes me feel good about myself. And that is my #1 goal. If i inspire someone else to make the change then i am here for anybody thats interested in this way of life. Im no expert but i can tell you how i started and what I'm doing to make the necessary changes. Thats what my blog is about, my journey from fat to fit...and i will never see fat again!! I am the only person that can change me, no trainer can do that for you without the willpower inside yourself. You have to be ready and give everything you have to do it. If this was easy everyone would do it right? So off to bed i go to get ready for another wonderful day ahead!! Hope you all have a great nite!! Love ya!!

Still Holding My Own

"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." -Thomas Edison





Well i weighed this morning and i havent lost anymore yet but i havent gained either so thats a good sign! Still holding at 8 lbs lost in a week and getting ready to start working out soon. I just bought a new MP3 player so i will have something to keep me moving when im walking or exercising. My boss at work is wanting me to go walking this Saturday with her if it doesnt rain so up at 6am for a 4 mile walk is where i'll be headed. Im the type of person i can walk a track all day at a good fast pace, but you put me on a treadmill and im dead in 10 mins. I just dont like to be cooped up indoors, i like too look around and see a spot infront of me and move towards it. But im sure im not alone on that one... everyones different so what works for one may not work for another. And fixing to start getting my tan on. Cant believe ive went all summer with this whiteness lol. But tanning does make me feel better and seems like i look better with a little healthy glow. I'm looking forward to start working out with one of my highschool friends, Pete. We were chatting one night and the subject came up about weight training and how retarded i feel when i go to the gym cause i just dont know where to start and if im doing the right things for my body. He offered to come to my gym and help me train. He and his wife work out and he has alot more experience than me. His wife competes in figure and hes working towards competing in bodybuilding soon!! I'm sure he will do awesome. So the chance to have someone help me with my diet and weight training has been been a great motivator for me and i know Pete will make me do it!! I really think thats what i needed was someone to push me and get me going!! Then after i start seeing the improvements in my body that will motivate me even more!! Also doing a clean diet makes me feel better, i dont feel as sluggish and i have more energy!!! i remember going out to eat for lunch everday and feeling like i couldnt move afterwards and not wanting to have to get back to work. But now when i eat i feel full but not stuffed and it fuels my body so that i have more energy and stamina. who knew eating 6 small meals a day would improve my energy levels and still help me lose weight. I was always trying to diet and would eat 1 or two meals a day and still be starved. The opportunity is always there to make changes in your life may they be large or small. I am so excited that i have taken this challenge and am determined to give 200% to achieving my goals!!! So on this journey to fitness i continue and i know that it may take some time but the best has yet to come!!

My Love, My Heart, My Dream...

"Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know was left open."-John Barrymore




Wow what an awesome day!! I couldn't have asked for a better life full of friends and family and an amazing fiance that i am truely truely blessed to have. Going back to work today was scary because lately i had been feeling kinda left out of the circle, like my hard work and determination wasn't enough and i was getting down on myself. I had been sick alot since starting my new job and was beginning to wonder if it was going to get the best of me. Seemed like no doctor could pinpoint what my oh so many symptoms were stemming from and just trying to treat them seperatly was not really making me any better. I just knew that there was this one thing wrong and it was causing all these symptoms but just didnt know what that one thing was. Thanks to a very understanding and patient PA in the ER several weeks ago they found a cyst on my ovary and since having my surgery to remove it I have felt like a whole new person. I dont have to worry about my back hurting all the time or having to pee every five seconds and i can concentrate better on my work. So when i came back to work today i really didnt expect to feel anymore a part of the group than i had when i left. Boy was i wrong. It seemed like everything was totally different and everyone was so excited to see me back and they let me know how much i was missed. Such a great feeling to feel needed and to be missed!! Totally made my day! Then to come home to such an amazing boyfriend that i adore so much made my day even better. How i ever got so lucky to get to spend the rest of my life with Sean, i will never know. Guess i had to go through all the years of being with the wrong person to finally see how great it is when you find that perfect person. It just makes me appreciate it even more!! So sitting with my baby we are watching The Bachelorette and i see how great Jillian and Ed are together and how lucky they are too!! It's the best feeling in the world to know that you get to be with the love of your life forever and that is what Sean is to me!! He makes sure i am taken care of before anything else and makes sure that i have whatever i need that makes me happy. And i feel the same way about Sean, i want to make sure that he has everything he hopes for in life too!! I truely feel God has blessed me in this life, i have made poor choices in my past and suffered the consequences for them but in the end i was still selfless and gave myself up for someone else and for that i was rewarded. Sean is the man i always dreamt of and never dared to ask for, and when i feared i would never have that person he walked into my life as though he was always there. And in a sense he was...we had known each other from a distance and came back together when the timing was perfect. God did that and i am so thankful everyday that i have him. Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didnt know was left open!!