My Inspiration

"Whether you think you can or think you can't--you're right." -Henry Ford




Well someone asked me today what kind of diet I'm on and i told her it is the eat "clean" diet. Actually it is a "clean" lifestyle because you have to change your lifestyle and not just diet. It includes exercises of weight training and cardio. This "clean" diet is what fitness models and figure competitors use daily to maintain their sexy bodies. I started this change because i was inspired by a photo of Jamie Eason and loved the way she looked. I checked her background and saw that she started by doing figure competitions. Now i know i will never be a fitness model and i will never look like her but i will have an awesome body and i'm not to bad looking either if i say so myself, and i will be the best me i can!! Along with other figure competitors in this region i have studied their lifestyles and have been inspired to make changes in my body and lifestyle. Its not about doing this to win a trophy or to be in a magazine, but to make me feel great about myself. My goal is to compete in a figure competition, not to win but to show off my hard work and determination. Where it leads after that point i dont know but i know i will keep up this new lifestyle and workout plan because it makes me feel good about myself. And that is my #1 goal. If i inspire someone else to make the change then i am here for anybody thats interested in this way of life. Im no expert but i can tell you how i started and what I'm doing to make the necessary changes. Thats what my blog is about, my journey from fat to fit...and i will never see fat again!! I am the only person that can change me, no trainer can do that for you without the willpower inside yourself. You have to be ready and give everything you have to do it. If this was easy everyone would do it right? So off to bed i go to get ready for another wonderful day ahead!! Hope you all have a great nite!! Love ya!!

Still Holding My Own

"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." -Thomas Edison





Well i weighed this morning and i havent lost anymore yet but i havent gained either so thats a good sign! Still holding at 8 lbs lost in a week and getting ready to start working out soon. I just bought a new MP3 player so i will have something to keep me moving when im walking or exercising. My boss at work is wanting me to go walking this Saturday with her if it doesnt rain so up at 6am for a 4 mile walk is where i'll be headed. Im the type of person i can walk a track all day at a good fast pace, but you put me on a treadmill and im dead in 10 mins. I just dont like to be cooped up indoors, i like too look around and see a spot infront of me and move towards it. But im sure im not alone on that one... everyones different so what works for one may not work for another. And fixing to start getting my tan on. Cant believe ive went all summer with this whiteness lol. But tanning does make me feel better and seems like i look better with a little healthy glow. I'm looking forward to start working out with one of my highschool friends, Pete. We were chatting one night and the subject came up about weight training and how retarded i feel when i go to the gym cause i just dont know where to start and if im doing the right things for my body. He offered to come to my gym and help me train. He and his wife work out and he has alot more experience than me. His wife competes in figure and hes working towards competing in bodybuilding soon!! I'm sure he will do awesome. So the chance to have someone help me with my diet and weight training has been been a great motivator for me and i know Pete will make me do it!! I really think thats what i needed was someone to push me and get me going!! Then after i start seeing the improvements in my body that will motivate me even more!! Also doing a clean diet makes me feel better, i dont feel as sluggish and i have more energy!!! i remember going out to eat for lunch everday and feeling like i couldnt move afterwards and not wanting to have to get back to work. But now when i eat i feel full but not stuffed and it fuels my body so that i have more energy and stamina. who knew eating 6 small meals a day would improve my energy levels and still help me lose weight. I was always trying to diet and would eat 1 or two meals a day and still be starved. The opportunity is always there to make changes in your life may they be large or small. I am so excited that i have taken this challenge and am determined to give 200% to achieving my goals!!! So on this journey to fitness i continue and i know that it may take some time but the best has yet to come!!

My Love, My Heart, My Dream...

"Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know was left open."-John Barrymore




Wow what an awesome day!! I couldn't have asked for a better life full of friends and family and an amazing fiance that i am truely truely blessed to have. Going back to work today was scary because lately i had been feeling kinda left out of the circle, like my hard work and determination wasn't enough and i was getting down on myself. I had been sick alot since starting my new job and was beginning to wonder if it was going to get the best of me. Seemed like no doctor could pinpoint what my oh so many symptoms were stemming from and just trying to treat them seperatly was not really making me any better. I just knew that there was this one thing wrong and it was causing all these symptoms but just didnt know what that one thing was. Thanks to a very understanding and patient PA in the ER several weeks ago they found a cyst on my ovary and since having my surgery to remove it I have felt like a whole new person. I dont have to worry about my back hurting all the time or having to pee every five seconds and i can concentrate better on my work. So when i came back to work today i really didnt expect to feel anymore a part of the group than i had when i left. Boy was i wrong. It seemed like everything was totally different and everyone was so excited to see me back and they let me know how much i was missed. Such a great feeling to feel needed and to be missed!! Totally made my day! Then to come home to such an amazing boyfriend that i adore so much made my day even better. How i ever got so lucky to get to spend the rest of my life with Sean, i will never know. Guess i had to go through all the years of being with the wrong person to finally see how great it is when you find that perfect person. It just makes me appreciate it even more!! So sitting with my baby we are watching The Bachelorette and i see how great Jillian and Ed are together and how lucky they are too!! It's the best feeling in the world to know that you get to be with the love of your life forever and that is what Sean is to me!! He makes sure i am taken care of before anything else and makes sure that i have whatever i need that makes me happy. And i feel the same way about Sean, i want to make sure that he has everything he hopes for in life too!! I truely feel God has blessed me in this life, i have made poor choices in my past and suffered the consequences for them but in the end i was still selfless and gave myself up for someone else and for that i was rewarded. Sean is the man i always dreamt of and never dared to ask for, and when i feared i would never have that person he walked into my life as though he was always there. And in a sense he was...we had known each other from a distance and came back together when the timing was perfect. God did that and i am so thankful everyday that i have him. Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didnt know was left open!!

A Wonderful Day

"Do not protect yourself by a fence, but rather by your friends"-Czech. Proverb



http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=vX_y34R5T3A



Today has been a wonderful day so far. I actually slept last night after taking two benadryls for my allergies and ended up sleeping til lunch. I was going to go for a walk with Melissa this morning but i was in a drug induced coma and didnt even remember turning my alarm off. Guess my body really did need the rest. So out of the bed at noon I emerged and ate some breakfast and chatted with a friend for awhile before getting ready to see The Ugly Truth. Even though my normal attire for the past two weeks has been PJ's and pink fuzzy houseshoes i decided that it was time to get out of my "convalescent state" and head to the movies with my gal pal! We got there and this big old blond headed woman takes the parking spot that we're waiting on and Melissa was fixing to give that woman a cussing, but decided not to since i am there. It reminded me of the scene in Medea Goes to Jail and i was thinking how hilarious it would have been to see Melissa on a forklift dumping this womans SUV!! But anywho, we get inside the theater and the movie is on so we grab a seat, only its behind the blonde lady and her friend!! Not for certain but i do believe her seat got kicked a few times but only by mistake of course. I have to say that movies was sooo funny and of course loved Gerard Butler, he also played the main character in the 300. He's HOTTTTT!! Loved the scene with the vibrating panties, i need some of those things for sure. Had a great girls day out and got to come home to see my baby! He fixed us some grilled porkchops and i had some leftover orzo pasta and he had a baked potato, Yummy!! And while he was cooking i made some homemade chicken salad and now i have plenty of meals ready to take to work next week. Still doing good on my diet although i did eat a few of Melissa's tootsie rolls during the movie but those don't count because i was forced to eat them. And i had a diet coke so that cancels it out right? LOL!! And so now i'm lounging in my PJ's again and fixing to get ready for bed soon. Not really looking forward to work tomorrow but i can't make a living sitting at home. At least not in my profession anyway. But i am thankful for my job and all my wonderful family and friends!! They are the greatest!! Well hope i have a great week ahead and hope my dieting success continues as well as it has. Love you guys!!!

Day 5 and Sleep Deprived!!!

And if tonight my soul may find her peace
in sleep, and sink in good oblivion,
and in the morning wake like a new-opened flower
then i have been dipped again in God, and new-created.
-D.H. Lawrence




So for the last few nights i haven't been able to sleep mainly because my schedule is off from being home for the last few weeks recovering from surgery. I had a cyst removed from my left ovary and there was a cancer scare, but everything turned out just fine. I am doing better just can't get to sleep at night, and it doesn't help that my baby snores ALOT!! Bless his heart i know he can't help it but i have been so sleepy today. I did get to take a small nap earlier so maybe i can get to bed at a decent hour tonight. And my head has been racing and full of soo many thoughts i just can't turn it off at night. I've been concerned about trying to fit everything i want to do all in a days time. There just never seems to be enough hours in the day!!! But i know it will all fall into place soon enough, i'm just an impatient gal that wants what i want when i want it and that's right now lol. But writing seems to relieve that alittle, like my own personal shrink! And i'm worried about trying to get back into shape, although i do have a shape right now... it's just "round". I have never been an athletic person and i can say that in the past most things i tend to start i never followed through with. But i feel like now i don't have a choice. It seems like the older i get the more i keep falling apart. And this last year i just haven't felt like my normal happy go lucky smartass self. I feel like im walking around in a daze and that my life is just slowly creepy past me. And the sad thing is i dont even have kids yet, how in the world will i be able to function in that part of my life if i can't get it together now. I feel like something has been missing in my life up to this point but i just can't figure out what it is. I'm hoping getting my health back and getting in shape will change alot of this fogginess i'm having. But these have been the things that have caused my lack of sleep even though i could blame it all on the snoring, i wont put all the blame on my poor sweet man! Sean has been so good to me and i couldn't have asked for a better fiance. Another reason to get into shape is the fact that we are getting married sometime next year and i dont want to be walking down the aisle looking like i've got 2 pigs fighting to bust out of my dress!! I did lose another pound today and so far it has been 8 total. I am proud of that fact and i know it's just my impatient nature that keeps me wanting more more more!!! Guess that will be one of my strengths in this whole life changing process. And another big obstacle that will eventually have to be dealt with and soon is that i smoke. Yes i know its bad for my health and yes i know it can kill me....believe me i'm a nurse and i hear it everyday. But it has been my crutch for soo long that old habits are hard to break. And on top of that i have asthma that up to this point has been mostly induced by exercise and sickness. I'm hoping that i will be able to change this and eventually get my asthma to a point that it is no longer a factor in my exercise regimin. It's hard for me to run but i can walk hard and fast all day long. I'm going to try to increase my cardio and get to a point that eventually i will be able to go running again. I would love to do a 5k with my brother!! So enough confessing for today guess i need to try to get to bed soon!! Nite nite and don't let the bed bugs bite!!!

Broadening My Horizons

"As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it." -Buddy Hackett



Well today was a pretty interesting day for me. In one of my previous posts I had mentioned getting the Tosca Reno cookbook for the Eat Clean Diet, and today I finally got it!! Went to BAM and found it there, but they had to order the original Eat Clean Diet which will be in next Friday. I'm excited to read it!! Got home with my cookbook, read through it, found several recipes that looked interesting and decided to try them out. I've never really been adventurous as far as cooking and will try new things as i am exposed to them. Even though most of the ingredients i had heard of, i admit i have never been eager to try them. Mostly just because i had never had any experience with them and could not even fathom what to do with them if i had them. This cookbook is definitely different to say the least. Well tonight Sean grilled us a Newyork stip, which i had marinated yesterday, while I decided to try out a couscous recipe with sauteed peppers, garlic and dill. I've never had couscous before, so i was pleasently suprised at how good it was. I know Sean was not really into it but mainly because of the peppers. He's not a big vegetable fan and I'm not big on fruit go figure lol. And after we ate i was craving something sweet so i fixed a whole wheat pancake, from a healthy gluten free mix we bought at Kroger, and put some sugar free syrup on it. I was again suprised at how good it was and so much healthier than the old ways of fixing one with lots of butter and sugary syrup. I also bought ingredients for eggwhite breakfast wraps that include nonfat cottage cheese, peppers,and black beans. And another recipe for an orzo salad which looked delicious. Cant wait to see how those two turn out! There where also several dessert recipes im eager to try out since my sweet tooth will inevitably rear its ugly head at some point again. Guess its better to be prepared with something healthy than turn back to my old ways. And I am thrilled that Sean has decided to try this diet with me. His dieting ideas arent based on strictly clean foods but on healthier versions of old favorites, so I am glad to see him making changes for the better as well. We both grew up eating good homecooked country meals loaded with fats and sodium. And since Sean does take medicine for high blood pressure its good to focus on trying to prevent heart disease through diet than maintaining it with medicine. I'm sure he will always take the meds since he has such a strong family history of high blood pressure but anything to decrease these chances is worth trying. And my mom takes meds for high blood pressure also, so for me now is the time to start prevention in my lifestyle choices too. I also recommended this book to my brother to hopefully guide him in a better direction on his eating habits. I realize the small frequents meals is better for losing weight than the 1-2 big meals i was doing in the past, and thats what i am encouraging him to focus on. I will always have food issues as im sure we all do in some form or another but by making them healthy issues i can make my life better. I haven't lost anymore weight today but 7 lbs already this week is good enough for me. I'm sure it was alot of water weight from my recent visit with Flo but I will take it! It was a great start to see the changes on the scale so fast and such a great motivator. I just keep reminding myself the best has yet to come. When i start my gym training i will begin to see the real changes in my body and not just on a scale. Cant wait!! Another book I'm wanting to check out is one by my favorite New York Housewife, Bethenny Frankel. It's called "Naturally Thin; Unleash Your Skinny Girl". I think Bethenny looks amazing although i have the sneaky suspicion she's never had a good old fashioned homecooked meal in her life. She's probably also never had chocolate gravy and biscuits which is one of my favorites! Some people just have good genes and i'm not one of them. But I am still interested in her book for the fact that she does cook healthy meals and it never hurts to have too much knowledge about ways to improve your health. Even though i am experimenting with new foods it will be a long time before i am going to tackle tofu. They might as well place that under the fruit category cause im not touching it anytime soon. So here's to my newfound friends: couscous and gluten free wholewheat pancakes....may i enjoy you as much tomorrow as i do today!!!!

Chocolate, Chocolate, and more Chocolate!!!

"Discipline is just chosing between what you want now and what you want most."-Anonymous



I'm sure if your reading this and looking at all the yummy pics off to the side you have had to be thinking why would I post these pics when this is my "weakness"? Well the answer is simple. I get to come on here and look at all the goodies i can't have while im writing and it reminds me that when i go look in the mirror i see what all those yummies did to me over the years!! And how hard it is to get it off! This blog is to me like getting it out of my system and yeah i may always have my "weakness" but am i gonna let chocolate run my life? No way, nope, nada and Hell NO!!! Everyday is different and I will always be tempted but i just have to keep reminding myself how much it will cost me. I may have to sweat it out in the gym or face the scale the next day and see the damage, and right now i'm not ready to give up my control!! I Can DO This, i repeat I Can Do This!!!

Day 3

"Believe in your dreams and they may come true; believe in yourself and they will come true." -Anonymous



Well day 3 it is and so far 7 lbs down only about 44 left to go!! Still off from surgery and getting ready to go back to work next Monday. Haven't started my workouts yet but after about a week back at work to get back in the grove of things i'll be ready to tackle the gym. I've started fixing up meals and snack for a few days at a time and that helps alot, so when i get hungry i have something already there and i don't grab the junk. I'm not a big fruit eater so for snacks i have to do other things, i eat fat free yogurt, almonds, jello, sometimes half a PB&J sandwich with sugar free strawberry jam if im really craving something sweet and i have fat free and sugar free cool whip in the freezer if im craving ice cream. So far i've been eating lots of salads with baked chicken and veggies, tuna salad, salmon, and every now and then steak with a sweet potato with cinnamon YUM!! Stll trying out new things and would love to get the clean diet recipe book by Tosca Reno. I will definetly have to get that this weekend!! I know it will take several weeks for my body to adjust and stop craving the junk food but so far so good. I know i wont always refuse myself, but my guilty pleasures will be my rewards for keeping up my diet and fitness goals and only once in awhile. I am so excited about getting to a point where my body is at its best and i intend to keep it that way!! My whole family has struggled with weight issues and my brother especially. I have to say he is one of my biggest inspirations right now. At 431 lbs and 28 years old he had gotten to a point where his legs and feet hurt all the time from standing at his work, and his breathing was awful. He had severe sleep apnea and the breaking point for him was when he started falling asleep while driving. He would get about 2 hours sleep a nite and that was taking a toll on his health. So one of his friends challenged him to do a 5K run and he started dieting and running to get to that point. So far hes lost 81 lbs and has run at least 5 races that i know of since starting all this after the first of the year. His goals arent to be the best looking person out there, but to keep running and keep his diet under control. the next stop for him will be a 10k run he's training for in a couple of more months and then from there i think a half marathon. So still in the 300 lb range he has accomplished so much and i know if he can so can I!!! So if you are reading this and think theres no time in your life or its just not convenient for you, think how much worse it can get and make the changes now!! Stop making excuses and just do it!! If you have time to sit in front of the TV then you have time to go walking. And take the family with you if thats a concern. If you are gonna fix meals for everyone why not make them healthy and start allowing time for yourself. Once you do that then it becomes a habit and you will be amazed at all the time you really do have!! I'm taking it one day at a time and i'm not gonna let anything stop my from reaching my goals, if i fall i will get right back up and keep going because I believe in ME!!!

A New Beginning

"Dare to live the life you have dreamed for yourself. Go forward and make your dreams come true"- by Ralph Waldo Emerson

Well today is day 2 of my journey to transform my body into the most physically fit it can be. I have to say though i am excited at the possibilities that are in store. Already i have lost 5 lbs which is pretty darn good so far. I've started to eat "clean" and the results are great. I am determined that no matter what a new healthier lifestyle is what its gonna take. i have dieted for years only to regain the weight i worked so hard to lose. and now i see that through diet and exercise together i will be able to keep it off this time for good. My goal is to get down to 130 and hopefully compete in a figure competition. That is a major challenge for me as i have always hated being on stage infront of people. I used to do beauty pageants but never really felt comfortable in my own skin, and that was with a dress on. needless to say getting on stage in a swimsuit is a huge obstacle to overcome but through all this im sure my self confidence will improve as i see changes in my body. I have always envied those girls that could work out and compete like that and wondered many times where they find the time or energy to do it. But seeing as how most have fulltime jobs and kids im encouraged to just give it my best and see what happens. i know that there are people out there that are willing to help "thanks Pete" and i am so thankful for the generosity of others. To let this opportunity slip through my fingers would be the worst mistake i could make. So for all you other gals out there that think you have no time or energy to make the change just remember its all about taking charge of your own life and quit making excuses as to why u cant. I used to sit down after work and order in pizza if i didnt feel like cooking or grab some chips or icecream to snack on and think well its ok today. but after years of this i have gained only one thing and that is a very unfit and out of shape body. I got comfortable and quit taking care of me. So before i have kids i am gonna make the changes in my life that will surely influence thier's in the future. My addiction to chocolate and sweets is not going to prevent me from changing my lifestyle and i know how to make better choices. So wish me luck everyone cause there is no turning back!!